Monday was one of the tougher days I’ve experienced in my life. I know I’m not the first woman to go through this, and I definitely won’t be the last…but the first day of daycare sure has to be one of the most awful things ever. Call me a drama queen, but the idea of handing my child over to someone else, after we’d spent almost every minute of her existence together, was just devastating to me.
I cried…a lot. The teachers consoled me, Chris consoled me, but nothing could make me feel better.
After a tearful goodbye, I went home and got to work–eager for any kind of distraction. Catching up online with co-workers and trying to wrap my head around all of the things I had missed on maternity leave. A couple hours into my work day, when I was missing Arden desperately, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Why am I doing this?
Yes, I have a great job, working for a great company, with great co-workers…but it’s not my passion. All I want to do is be Arden’s mom. I want to feed her when she’s hungry, rock her when she’s sleepy–be with her all day, every day.
Since college I feel like I’ve been searching for my place in the “real world”–trying to figure out what I’m passionate about and what I want to be. And in that moment it was as clear as day…I want to stay at home with my baby…this is what I’m meant to do.
So Monday night I presented my case to Chris. He could tell immediately how much this meant to me and how serious I was about it. I always knew I wanted to do this at some point (and we had talked about it quite a bit), but it took actually being the situation for me to realize that I was ready. It wasn’t like I was unhappy with the daycare facility or that I disliked my job…it was just about a calling I felt to make the change.
After crunching the numbers and revising our budget, Chris and I decided we could make it work. We know we will have to make sacrifices, but it’s worth every single one of them.
I honestly could not be happier or more at peace with this decision. It just feels right. Sure there are going to be rough days, but isn’t that the case with any job? I’m just so thankful to be able to do this and also to have a husband who supports my decision 100%. Of course, he thinks he’s getting three-course dinners out of the deal. We’ll see about that… 🙂
My heart is so happy and I’m just plain excited about this new adventure.
I think this little gal might be too 🙂